Memos by Rachel Blair
- Electro at Play Parties
Electro — e-stim, electrical play, violet wands — is the one modality at a party where a few of the contraindications are absolute, invisible, and not negotiable by how experienced anyone is. That's...
- Brat / Brat Tamer — Scene Setup Under TEASE and FRIES
Brat/tamer play is the case where TEASE and FRIES have to do the most work, because the whole aesthetic is scripted resistance. "No," "make me," and squirming are content, not signal. Everything real...
- Parenting + Polyamory
There isn't a lot out here yet. Jamilah (@goodmoms\badchoices, of Good Moms Bad Choices) and Jessica (@remodeledlove, of Remodeled Love) are doing some of the only visible work on being a mom who's...
- How I Prep for a Play Party
People keep asking me what I actually do before a Play Party, so here it is in one place. This is what works for my body and my nervous system. It's not a rulebook and it's definitely not a standard...
- How to Attend a Play Party
Sex party, play party, lifestyle event — the word shifts by city and by scene, and the thing underneath is the same. A Play Party is a private, hosted gathering where sex and kink happen inside an...
- SOBER
A field guide for playing clear - written from inside a sobriety that doesn't fit a straight line, for the people who need it. A companion to ANCHORS, living inside the H line of the covenant - but...
- My Play Party Vibe Check
Every couple hours, or any time the energy shifts, I tap the compass. Three questions, maybe thirty seconds. Body Am I tense anywhere? Am I hydrated, hungry, tired? Emotion Do I feel open, neutral,...
- Asking About Structure + Limits Before You're in ANCHORS
There's a gap before ANCHORS ever starts. ANCHORS assumes two people who've already decided to play and are now running the framework together — but there's an earlier, more awkward moment nobody's...
- Being Out Is a Spectrum, Not a Verdict
Outness is a spectrum, not a verdict. It is a risk calculation crossed with a values calculation, and both are allowed to land somewhere other than where mine did. This is the F of The FAMILY...
- Naming the Structure Before Kids Do
Kids are pattern-matchers. They will notice who's around, who stays over, and who gets a key long before they have the vocabulary for it — and if you haven't named it for yourself, you'll improvise...
- Talking to Kids About Polyamory, By Age
Answer the question they actually asked, not the one you're braced for. That is the whole of the A in The FAMILY Framework — Age It Right. What follows is not a script. It's a shape, and you fill it...
- Polyamory and the Institutions Question
Each institution gets exactly as much information as it needs and no more — and that line isn't about honesty, it's about scope. This is the I of The FAMILY Framework: Institutions & Information....
- Timing Introductions Between Partners and Kids
The single most common mistake isn't dishonesty, it's sequencing — introducing someone before the relationship has proven it can hold weight. This is the L of The FAMILY Framework: Logistics, Not...
- Finding Your Village as a Polyamorous Parent
This terrain is thin, and the people already mapping it are worth finding. That is the Y of The FAMILY Framework: Your Village. The list below is short enough to give in full, which is itself the...
- Polyamorous Parenting
Polyamorous parenting is the practice of raising children while openly maintaining more than one romantic relationship — and the specific set of decisions that combination forces, none of which are...
- The FAMILY Framework
FAMILY is a six-domain framework for raising kids as a polyamorous parent — decisions to make on purpose, in advance, rather than improvise in a moment you didn't choose. The six are walked in...
- Polyamorous Parenting FAQ
The questions below are the ones that actually get asked — by other parents, by co-parents, and by people at 2am wondering whether they're doing damage. Answers are mine, from practice rather than...
- My Play Party Lubrication & Body Support
Internal hydration is the biggest factor by a wide margin. Everything else on this page is a supporting act. The foundation Water plus electrolytes. That's it, that's the whole base layer, and no...
- My Play Party Portal Marker
Optional, and I don't always do it, but when it fits the vibe it works. I pick a scent just for the night, or a small object that lives in my purse. One thing, used only for this. Then every time I...
- My Play Party Gut Prep
If anal play is on the table, prep starts the day before — not an hour before. The night before Lighter, lower-residue food in the evening. Rice, fish or tofu, well-cooked veggies. No large, fibrous,...