Ethical non-monogamy (ENM) covers a range of relationship structures where people consensually maintain multiple romantic and/or sexual connections at once.
Structures
- Polyamory — Multiple romantic relationships pursued openly and with the knowledge of everyone involved. Umbrella term for the sub-styles below.
- Kitchen table polyamory (KTP) — All partners (and partners' partners) are comfortable enough with one another to sit at the same kitchen table. Emphasizes metamour closeness and an integrated social/family-style network rather than compartmentalized relationships.
- Parallel polyamory — Partners maintain separate relationships without much (or any) interaction between metamours. Less integration, more privacy between connections.
- Hierarchical polyamory — Relationships are explicitly ranked, typically with a "primary" partner whose needs or decisions take precedence, and "secondary" partners with less relationship authority.
- Non-hierarchical (egalitarian) polyamory — No formal ranking of partners; each relationship develops on its own terms without a built-in primary.
- Relationship anarchy (RA) — Rejects prescribed rules and hierarchies altogether, including the idea that romantic relationships are inherently more significant than friendships. Each relationship is defined by the people in it, case by case.
- Solo polyamory — The person doesn't seek a primary partner or merge life logistics (housing, finances) with anyone; they maintain autonomy as their relationship "base," while dating multiple people.
- Polyfidelity — A closed group (three or more people) that is romantically and sexually exclusive within that group — non-monogamous with the wider world, monogamous within the pod.
- Open relationship — Usually an existing couple who agree to allow outside sexual (and sometimes romantic) connections, often with the primary emphasis remaining on the core couple.
- Swinging — Consensual partner-swapping or group sexual activity, generally more sexually oriented than romantically oriented, often practiced by couples together.
- Monogamish — A relationship that's largely monogamous with occasional, narrowly defined exceptions.
Structures aren't mutually exclusive — many people's real relationships are a blend (e.g., hierarchical plus parallel, or solo poly practiced within a kitchen table network).
Of all of these, kitchen table polyamory is the structure that's most attractive to me. The idea of everyone actually being able to sit at the same table — metamours included — feels like the version of this that matches how I want intimacy and community to work, not just romantically but in general. It's less about compartmentalizing people and more about building an actual integrated web of relationships.