These matter more than you'd think.
I say them in advance — to myself, and to whoever I'm going with — so I'm not negotiating them in the moment. The moment is the worst possible time to be building a case for my own comfort.
- I can change my mind at any time
- I can take breaks without explaining
- I can leave an interaction even if it seemed exciting before
- I don't have to match anyone else's energy
- I can prioritize my comfort over the vibe of the room
Doing it with other people
If I'm with a partner or in a group, we do this together. Invite them in, give them the same list, and agree on a non-verbal signal so any of us can ask for support or call a check-in without having to make a speech about it.
Handing someone else the list is also how I find out whether they'll respect mine.
This is my forest. I'm not lost in it.