Black Hole Buffer is a system of automated rules, primarily configured through 📝Missive email filters and 📝Apple Shortcuts, that reroutes communications from specific, antagonistic individuals to an intermediary facilitator. The framework was designed to counter patterns of behavior indicative of 📝Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) and 📝Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), particularly the creation of a 📝False Emergency or other urgent demands during moments of personal significance.

These individuals often attempt to reclaim attention by reaching out during events such as birthdays or family visits, generating conflict or urgency. To mitigate these disruptions, the Black Hole Buffer directs their emails and text messages to a human assistant, who reviews them and determines a time for delivery that is neutral or positive (e.g. immediately after a great date or receipt of a big wire transfer).

This approach ensures that important communications are not ignored, while reducing the likelihood of emotional manipulation or intrusion at sensitive times. By structuring attention management in this way, the system functions as both a protective filter and a mechanism for sustaining personal focus without severing all communication.

I noticed a pattern in a relationship whereby a partner of mine repeatedly disrupted moments that were meaningful to me (birthdays, family visiting, investor meetings, etc.) with sudden conflicts or urgent requests. Even after I ended the relationship, the same dynamics persisted, so I created this buffer as a way to protect my energy while still allowing the communications that were necessary to the logistics of the separation through, but in a time that undermined the false urgency.

The first time this was triggered, I saw the email a week after it was originally sent to me and—knowing the cause of the delay was this protocol—immediately thought of the very hot date I'd had the night before. I'd not only protected myself from energetic interruption, but I'd actually transmuted the interruption into laughter and light.

Contexts

• 🏷️#missive-rule (See: 📝Missive)